I began this year in pain. After taking lights down, wrestling with the ladder, and hauling box after box of Christmas decorations up the stairs in the garage, my back muscles tightened into knots of pain. At its worst, the pain made me roll out of bed and ask Teckla for help getting dressed. At its “best,” the pain changed how I walked–sometimes like a fat Frankenstien and other times like a prissy professor. After five days of lower back pain, I have a whole new way of moving, sitting, and standing. Pain is an effective teacher.
But now even though the pain is fading, my muscles are still moving in the ways taught by the pain. I have to consciously tell myself that the pain is gone and that I don’t need to roll out of bed like a whale wallowing back to the sea. My head knows the truth, but my muscles keep flinching and messing with how I move and walk.
But isn’t this true in our emotional and spiritual lives? Sometimes even followers of Jesus move in ways taught by past pain. Pain and failure may have taught us all the wrong lessons. Our head may be telling us that God’s love has freed us from past hurt and rejection, that God loves us unconditionally, that we are free to love others without fear. And yet, we often still move and walk in the ways taught by pain. Our emotional “muscle memory” too often exerts more control over how we walk than the truth revealed in Christ. Instead of moving to give love and grace to others, we often move to avoid the pain we once experienced.
Today I found myself arguing with my muscle memory and telling myself, “Your back has stopped hurting so just swing your legs out of the car like you use to.” I then had to choose to move and act according to the truth. In a similar way, we often need to tell ourselves that God has lavished His love upon us and we no longer have to move and act as someone who is rejected and desperate for acceptance. We must speak the truth to our souls and choose to act upon it. This kind of intentional and deliberate obedience to the truth creates new muscle memories–those taught by truth and grace.
