I think I was as surprised as my student by the question. We were in a scheduled conference to discuss the topic of her research paper. Recently, some celebrities were choosing to begin families without the help of man, so there had been quite a bit of debate about whether kids needed two parents or, at least, two parents of different sexes.
After discussing how psychologists and sociologists would approach the question, we outlined the research questions that her paper would answer. We discussed the importance of letting facts speak for themselves, looking for the consensus of experts, and giving due attention to minority positions.
Before she left, I asked her why she chose this topic. She explained, “My father left our family when I was four and I think my mom has done an incredible job raising me. I don’t think kids need a mother and a father.” I agreed that her mother had done a good job and could certainly be proud of the good student her daughter had become.
As she was putting her notebook away, I gently asked one last question: Do you miss him? Immediately her shoulders rose and fell, tears streamed down her face. She pushed back her long black hair, wiped away her tears, and said, “I guess it is not as simple as I thought. I may need to rethink my topic.”
She eventually wrote on different topic. In the spring a year later, she came bounding up to me in her cap and gown. Shen pointed to a large group of her family that had come up from California for her graduation. She whispered in my ear, “My father is here. We reconnected.” She was radiant.
This true story continues to teach me. First, it illustrates how certain we can be that our culture is right even when everything in our heart protests. The idea kids don’t need a mother and father continues to be dogma for many. And this despite all the evidence that kids with a mother and father on average do better than kids with just one parent. We may cling to this idea partly to be kind to single parents raising their kids alone. No one wants a divorced parent to feel guilty or discouraged. But the sociological evidence for the advantages of two parent homes is indisputable.
Second, I am certain that it was the Holy Spirit that prompted me to ask the question. It was a simple question but asked at the right time and in the right way, it was powerful. I want to always be tuned to the prompting of the Holy Spirit—even when in conversations about mundane things.
Last, this story seems to illustrate, in miniature, Augustine’s claim that we all have an empty God-shaped hole in our heart that only He can fill. Many today are utterly certain their lives are fine without a heavenly Father and that He is not needed. But like my student, they are missing someone they have never really known.
There is, however, evidence that on many college campuses the Holy Spirit continues to ask, “Do you miss Him?”
