Delighted and Annoyed

Many years ago I had a dream about hiking on a mountain trail. As I rounded a bend in the trail, my pastor at the time (Mike Bickle), jumped out from behind a rock and grabbed me. In the dream this annoyed me and delighted me. The closest I came to interpretation was that my pastor represented God and that God sometimes surprises us in the mountains. Yes, I know that’s a lame interpretation—but I like to stick to the obvious.

I still associate going to the mountains with encounters with God. Obviously there are many Biblical reasons to associate mountains with God: Mount Sinai, Mount Zion, Mount Pigsah, Mount Carmel, etc. So yesterday I packed my daypack, gassed up the car, and took off for Mount Bolivar, the highest point in Coos County. Last year I had climbed up the mountain and had a great time praying at the summit. I had decided to repeat the experience.

It is a long drive to Mount Bolivar, some of it on a one-lane, pot-holed road and some on a looping detour on a rutted gravel road. But the first twenty miles of road from Myrtle Point is good, so I was talking with God as I cruised along. About three miles out, I sensed the presence of God, got some direction on questions, and had a few minutes of communion with God. Okay, I know for bunches of Christian this is everyday stuff. For me, however, this was monumental.

I was delighted and annoyed. After all, I was driving 60 miles and then going to climb for two hours so I could commune with God on the mountain. Mountains are cool, and I am cool because I climb mountains to pray. Then God ruins it all by jumping out at me three miles out of town. And sure enough, I get to the top of the mountain and nothing much happens. I pray, but with neither fervor nor direction. I don’t hear God saying anything. What’s the point of writing a script if God isn’t going to stick to it?

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The Fierce

At my college some students have tried to organize a chapter of the Secular Student Alliance. I don’t know how successful they have been. Mobilizing sophomores and freshmen around not believing in something seems challenging. Militant unbelief is something of an oxymoron—like uncompromising tolerance. It will be interesting to see how this goes.

I do have two concerns, which may be ungrounded, but seem important to avoid. The first is that because it is hard to get excited about not doing something, in this case believing, it may become imperative to demonize those who are doing something. Indeed, recently some writers like Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens have gone beyond putting forth arguments for unbelief and attacked religious faith as a great evil. The title of Hitchen’s book, God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, indicates clearly enough the degree of rage and irrationality present among this new breed of atheists. If one put the word “Zionism” where Hitchens has “Religion,” the title of his book would pass as a piece of Nazi propaganda.

I hope, however, that the Secular Student Alliance can be fierce in the defence of their ideas and humane towards people of faith who disagree. C. S. Lewis when comparing the atheists at Oxford and Cambridge said he liked those at Cambridge better because he preferred “fierce to the flippant.” I too prefer fierce atheism if the ferocity expresses itself in intellectual rigor and a belief that the question of God’s existence is truly central to human existence. I am weary to the bone with mushy atheism that wallows in intellectual sloth or unhappy hedonism. I also prefer fierce atheists to those who claim both belief and unbelief are private concerns, not the proper topics for public discourse. So many have worked to confine theological and religious discourse to the church, it is now more acceptable to talk publicly about one’s sex life than one’s faith.

My second concern is many campus clubs form to provide mutual support to a disadvantaged or mistreated minority. Here the danger is that this requires members to see themselves as victims. Now this might make sense if the club was forming on the campus of a Christian college—Christians (because they too are people) can be mean, and I suppose even being “prayed for” could be a kind of persecution. But at most state colleges and universities, a majority of the faculty are not religious. And although it is always possible for individual students to act like a religious idiot, most state schools offer a thoroughly secularized environment. In most classrooms contempt for religious faith is more common than contempt for atheism. A student losing their faith at college is much more common than one finding it. Therefore to play the role of victim, members of the Secular Student Alliance may be forced to find persecution where there is none and take offense when none has been given. This quest for victim-hood often extinguishes any real dialogue and the kind of intellectual debate and inquiry that colleges should nourish. But perhaps the Alliance will admit at universities they always have home-court advantage. Christians are clearly the visiting team.

But with those two concerns stated, I fully and cheerfully welcome the Secular Student Alliance to campus. I prefer those who take the question of God’s existence seriously. I prefer the fierce.

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Signs and Kingfishers

IFile:Belted Kingfisher.jpg like Belted Kingfishers. I like the way they can hover in the air then plunge into the water and come up with a fish. They look cool sitting on a branch like a little king dressed in blue. The dry rattle of their call is haunting as it echoes across the water and grows fainter as they fly further. They let loose with this call, it seems to me, only while flying. I don’t know if their ratcheting call is to scare off other males or for the simple joy of flying down a river.

On my trip to Israel, the Smyrna Kingfisher was one of the few birds I saw. We were crossing the Jordan River, which was not much bigger than an irrigation ditch, when I spotted it right by the bus window on the rail of the bridge. My drive to work along the Isthmus Slough here in Coos County gives me plenty of opportunities to spot kingfishers on a branch or phone line near the water. The females have a rusty belt below the blue band.

I have often wanted to take the sight of one as a sign or good omen. When I see two along the slough, I tell Teckla I am going to have a “two—kingfisher day”. But I always catch myself before I plunge too deeply into pagan divination.

More often I turn to Teckla and say, “I saw a kingfisher. You know what that means!”

“Yes,” she sighs, ” it means you saw a kingfisher.”

“Exactly.”

The idea of God or the gods communicating with us through birds isn’t that far-fetched. Noah’s dove with the olive branch was a messenger of hope. In the wilderness Elijah was fed by ravens and a dove descended upon Jesus after his baptism.

The pagans went even further. Greek priests associated specific birds with different gods and had to be well-trained to interpret the divine meaning of birds’ behavior and sightings. They also slaughtered animals and tried to decipher the divine messages in their entrails. I prefer birds.

I think, however, my own instinct toward divination reveals something about human nature. We are always looking for meaning—for some sign of God communicating with us. A sign or omen is like hitting the lottery: riches without work. Real communication with God flows from relationship. And it takes some work to maintain that relationship and stay tuned to the voice of His Spirit. The static created by sin, guilt, and rebellion are always interfering with reception.

Honestly, we would often rather have an omen than real communication. God has the habit of not restricting his remarks to the topics we assign. His words often require change. We like omens because they can mean about anything we want. Two kingfishers usually confirm that I ought to do all I have decided to do.

In the past my efforts to be led by God’s Spirit may have veered into divination. The whole thing of putting out a fleece and looking for a sign can easily become a kind of ventriloquism where we put our words in God’s mouth. It easily slips into witchcraft of a sort.

This mild paganism of looking for signs is comfortable because it puts us in control of the dialogue. Real communication with God is dangerous. The first words that angels had to say to folks were, “Fear not.” After all, the Scripture is right when it says, “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

I still like kingfishers, and whenever I see one, I’m sure it is a sign that God does too.

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Unlock Your Word Hoard

One of the characteristics of the heroic age was what scholars call the heroic boast—the bold declaration of what a warrior has done and is about to do. Beowulf does this in his great saga. This tradition has lived on in American folklore in the tall-tales of Daniel Boone and Pecos Bill. We often see this in sports as well. But Beowulf, unlike many athletes today, not only possessed extraordinary strength but great eloquence. We are told that when greeted by the coast guard of Hrothgar, Beowulf “unlocked his word-hoard.” Although we may still have some of the heroic boast, the trash-talking lacks the resources of a good “word-hoard.”

One study says that although the vocabulary of schoolchildren in 1945 amounted to 25,000 words, students in 1992 were using only about 10,000 words. Today I mentioned the third-person omniscient point of view as one way writers tell stories. Half the class did not know the word omniscient. Fewer and fewer of my students have actually read books that were not textbooks. In Oregon one can graduate from college without having ever read Shakespeare or any other literature. Many of my students have few words in their hoard.

Throughout the story of Beowulf we are told not only of his great courage and extraordinary strength (he tore off Grendel’s arm), but of his wisdom and eloquence. We still celebrate the first, but not so much the latter. Especially in the western tradition, we have celebrated the stoic and laconic heroes like Clint Eastwood (my generation) and Vin Diesel. Even in real life, actors often disappoint with their inability to express themselves without cliches.

Does the diminishing word-hoard matter? Yes, because we not only express ourselves with words, we think with words. Words and the distinctions they make determine what we are able to express. Our thoughts and emotions are impoverished and enfeebled when we lack the right words. A small vocabulary leaves us in a fog of confusion that makes us easy for the words of others to manipulate us. A small “word-hoard” may be a greater danger to us than the monster Beowulf faced.

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Apocalypse Apathy

We are now a society obsessed with a coming apocalypse: a climate change ice-age, wave after wave of zombies, earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, plagues, asteroids, and hemorrhoids. All this makes for great drama magnified by special effects. But after a while one has to ask, “Who cares?”

Almost every university teaches us that we evolved by accident from some primeval goo that formed (somehow) the amino acids and that there is no reason to believe life on this planet will continue forever. We began by accident and are just as likely to end by accident—meteor, comets, or cataclysm. If it all ends eventually, why do we care if it ends sooner rather than later. According to Naturalism, the beginning, the end, and everything in between is meaningless—without purpose. Everything is just atoms spinning in space.

The fact that so much drama surrounds apocalypse points out that everything in our hearts screams that life has meaning and is worth preserving. There is great discord between what most science departments tell us and what our hearts know is true. To know life has meaning and is for some reason worth clinging to, all we have to do is watch a few apocalypse movies. Or we could read Genesis.

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Mom Prays

My mother is 91 and has, for almost forever, been praying. I know she prayed for her three boys and now prays for all her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She is really sweet, but can pray mean: “Lord, make them miserable in their sins until they repent and come to you!” I’ve always been miserable when sinning so this is probably a prayer God answered. But I’m certain many good things have come from God answering her prayers. I can’t prove it, but I think that I and some of my boys are alive because of her faithful prayers. I sometimes imagine a dialogue like this with God when Satan has been about to hurt one of my boys who has wandered into sin:

Satan: You can’t stop me. This kid chose to trespass into my territory. He even knew what he was doing was wrong. And you yourself say the penalty of sin is death and this kid isn’t even claiming the blood of your Son as payment.

God: True. This kid has rejected the light and deliberately chosen sin instead of my Son, but you can’t touch him because his grandma is praying—praying way too much for me to let you hurt him. But you can do this; you can make him miserable in his sins.

I believe our intercessory prayers for sinners can give God legal grounds to do what He otherwise will not do. Those who choose sin are also choosing, knowingly or unknowingly, to have Satan as their master. Masters have certain rights over their servants: rights that God honors unless the intercessory prayers of others give Him legal grounds to intervene.

So I believe many of Satan’s plans for my mom’s boys and grandchildren have been thwarted even when we have strayed into the enemy’s territory. And I believe that although God will not violate the free will of my sons, my prayers, and Teckla ‘s prayers, are giving God a free hand to protect and work in the lives of my boys even when they aren’t walking with Him.

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Knocking Down the Jailer

In his essay “Hedonics” C. S. Lewis records being made uncommonly happy by the beauty of evening sunlight and the domestic scenes of people coming home from work. He points out that this pleasure did not force itself upon him rather it offered itself. Lewis says he accepted the invitation, but that there is a Jailer who is always forbidding such pleasures.

Like Lewis, I have read enough realistic modern fiction to know the “Jailer” he mentions. It is realism. It is what Lewis calls the “wiseacre” that points out the reality behind every vision of happiness. Realism tells us cute babies grow into smart-mouthed teenagers. It will remind us that about half of all marriages end in divorce and that half of the remaining marriages are unhappy. The guy celebrated as a hero today will be discovered to have a criminal record tomorrow. In the famous words of Holden Caulfield, “Everyone is a phony.”

This Jailer used to be my friend. I liked punching holes in the optimism of nauseating saccharine and mindlessly cheerful people. Realism would wink at me when someone naively said something stupidly optimistic. We enjoyed the inside joke. When we spoke of the American Dream it was always with irony—implying it was no dream but at best a delusion and at worse a lie. Just the mention of a “white-picket fence” was short-hand for a whole cynical view of American domestic happiness. Realism and I thought it was cool that there was a TV show called “Suburgatory”.

But like Lewis I have discovered that realism is a fraud. As Lewis points out, the common pleasures and “unreasonable happiness” we sometimes experience are also real. Lewis insists,” If we are to be realists, let us have realism all round.” Realism wrongly asserts that only the twisted is true and only the tragic real.

On fall Friday nights I can hear the high school band playing at the football game and sometimes even hear the announcer and crowd cheering when our team scores (evenings were quiet last fall). The sound of the game and coolness of the autumn night makes me happy as I remember watching my boys play football or listening to Peter play the drums in the band. Realism, or something uglier, will remind me of all the anxiety of watching your kid play and the trips to the hospital after concussions. And even worse, I will think about small town politics, bad coaching, and my boys not getting to play as much as they wanted. My nostalgic sigh can turn into a cynical sneer in a heart-beat. But the pleasure of the memory and moment is just as real as the negative stuff. Realism is our Jailer, not our friend.

Lewis proposes that we “knock the Jailer down and keep the keys henceforward in our own possession.” The ordinary pleasures and common wonders that encompass our lives are real, and they are ours. And literature that is sometimes called escapist may simply be giving us a reality our Jailer has forbidden. Here is Lewis’s solution:

He [the Jailer] accuses all myth and fantasy and romance of wishful thinking: the way to silence him is to be more realist than he—to lay our ears closer to the murmur of life as it actually flows through us at every moment and to discover there all that quivering and wonder and (in a sense) infinity which the literature that he calls realistic omits.

I now know the cynicism that empowered me to see through everything was blinding me to much that was good and real. When we protect ourselves from disillusionment by believing nothing, we are just as blind as those who see only the good. Cynicism not only numbs us to life’s pain; it robs us of its pleasures.

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Rebel Nation

Not long ago a fellow teacher at my college complained that a student was challenging the grades she assigned to papers. The student dismissed her grades as “merely her opinions”. The teacher showed me the rubric she used to evaluate the essays; it was fairly standard.

However, the whole situation was bathed in irony because my colleague was very much the product and proponent of the counter-cultural values of the sixties and seventies. This generation, my own, has held and still teaches that authority should be challenged and that rebellion against authority is intrinsically good. In the eighties and nineties this same generation embraced post-modernism with its emphasis that objective truth cannot be known and that all truths are simply social constructions of those in power.

In education these counter-cultural values have been institutionalized in a call for student-centered education and a real contempt for “the sage on the stage” approach to education. Those who argue for student-centered education point out that “authority-based” education is often patriarchal and Euro-centric. The very root of the word education, they argue, is educe, which means to draw out. Education should be the drawing out of the knowledge and understanding within the child—not putting in what we have decided the child should know.

In What’s Wrong with World G. K. Chesterton considers this authority-free doctrine of education:

I think it would be about as sane to say that the baby’s milk comes from the baby as to say that the baby’s educational merits do. . . . You may indeed “draw out” squeals and grunts from the child by simply poking him and pulling him about, a pleasant but cruel pastime to which many psychologists are addicted. But you will wait and watch very patiently indeed before you draw the English language out of him. That you have got to put into him; and there is an end of the matter.

Despite these commonsense arguments against education without authority, such an approach is the prevailing orthodoxy in academia today. For decades baby-boomers have been telling students to distrust authority and that we all have our own truth. Yet when they actually take us at our word by challenging our curriculum and our grading, we respond with righteous indignation. For years this generation has taught that all truths are merely opinions, yet we are dismayed when students dismiss our ideas as opinions.

Building a an educational system without authority, without deciding what is true and false, what is worthy or unworthy of transmission, is like building a house without nails. Nails are sharp and hammers hard; it may be better to just let things rest on each other and not force nails into the wood. After all, who has the authority to say a nail should go here rather than there? Let those living in the house build as they go! Away with architects! Away with the supposed expertise of carpenters and framers! We are all equal. Empower people! Away with inspectors and building codes! And by the way, we will be forming another national commission to study the crisis we are facing in our housing industry.

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Grace Bugs Me

800px-Saffron-winged_Meadowhawk,_maleI had been working in my office hours without a break, so I decided to a hike around the lake in search of dragonflies. A few yards outside my office I spotted a dragon fly—a Saffron-winged Meadowhawk which zooms off while I adjust my glasses. Bummed by its quick departure, I headed for the lake again. I took two steps and there it was again—this time on a twig right in front of me. I am so close that I can see the small red patches on its wings and each segment of its bright red abdomen. As I’m looking down at it, it cocks its head and glances up at me with its huge eyes.

But I hadn’t even gotten close to the lake yet. The narrative of my plan was to hike some of the back trails around the lake and use my extraordinary stealth and powers of observation to get close to some unusual species of dragonflies. So I silently disappeared onto the trails and slip through bushes to the edges of the lake. The sun is shining and water lilies blooming, but there’s not a dragonfly in sight. I bushwhack through the forest to the edge of a swamp where a redwood grows, but find no dragonflies there either. After an hour I have circled the whole lake and come back to my office without seeing a single dragonfly except the one outside my door. So much for my heroic narrative starring me, full of sagacious woodcraft and entomological expertise.

Too often I am this way about spiritual things. I have a narrative of how my quest for spiritual insight should be achieved. It usually stars me, full of spiritual zeal and revelation, exploring the depth of biblical and theological truth and bringing back tales of all I discover. Honestly, I hate when after a few steps—there’s the insight right in front of me, looking up at me like that dragonfly. Grace staring me in the face.

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Blessed Are The Mourning Cloaks

120px-Nymphalis-antiopa-Finland[1]

Once in a while I see a mourning cloak butterfly on campus. They actually aren’t common on the coast but my college sits on the edge of a lake edged with willows, the butterfly’s host plant. Despite its name, this butterfly always gives me joy. Because it winters over, actually hibernates, it can sometimes be spotted on an unusually warm winter day or in the false spring we get here in early February. It’s unexpected beauty as it spreads its wings in the soft winter sun always speaks of hope. As I get older, I greet tattered mourning cloaks as fellow pilgrims who have wintered over to another spring.

Perhaps the rich dark brown of the wings is sad–but it is full bodied sorrow, deep and beautiful. It is the mourning Jesus said is blessed. Robert Pyle, author of The Butterflies of Cascadia says, “A Civil War vignette relates the butterfly to a lost soldier’s wife, coming out of mourning and just beginning to show a bright bit of petticoat beneath her widow’s weeds.” The yellow edges of mourning cloaks is hope peeking out. The comfort about to come.

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