“In Laos when the temperature goes below about 70 degrees, people start pulling on their coats and hats and lighting fires, which ignites the season of death.” As temperatures have dipped in Myrtle Point, I began thinking about this line from an article in the August National Geographic. In Laos low temperatures bring death because during the Vietnam War the United States, in an effort to destroy supply lines, dropped two million tons of bombs on Laos. Fires built to stay warm ignite these unexploded bombs, maiming and killing people every year.
I cannot imagine how terrible it would be to live in a country that is essentially a minefield. The only thing that might come close psychologically is living with someone who has a violent temper. The fear of the explosion can be as terrible as the explosions themselves.
Although uncontrolled anger afflicts both men and women, I think it is a greater problem for men. We are more likely to respond to wounds with anger than with grief. I think it is hard to overstate the number of families and churches that have been torn apart by the explosive anger of men. Too often our churches and families have become minefields.
Churches and pastors need to set about intentionally unearthing the unexploded ordnance in the hearts of men. This means disrupting business as usual by calling outbursts of anger (wrath) what the Bible calls it—sin. No excuses or explanations. Wrath truly is one of the seven deadly sins. It kills spiritually and occasionally, physically.
In Laos it is often the children who are maimed and killed. In their play and explorations, they are more likely to set off a bomb. The same is true for children living with those with explosive anger. Children are often the victim of anger because they have not yet learned where all the dangers are hidden. Men need to humble themselves and stop thinking building fences around their minefields is the solution. Churches who espouse family values need to move beyond rhetoric by creating mine-sweeping teams to make churches and families safe for children.
What does this work look like? First, brothers in Christ need to covenant together to hold each other accountable for outbursts of anger. Unlike mines and bombs, explosions of anger don’t destroy the source of the danger.
The second step is to trace the anger back to its source. There are five common sources of explosive anger: unforgiveness, deep wounds, disappointment, rejection, and fear. Men are notoriously unself-aware, so finding the source of anger can take some digging and detective work—something done best in relationship. Some men may have forgiven those who hurt them, but have not specifically asked for God to heal the wound.
Any man who never experienced the love and acceptance of their father has a source of anger that keeps on giving. Even though God’s love and acceptance is proclaimed from the pulpit, this source of anger often resists God’s grace until it is made incarnate in the brothers in Christ who commit to love us unconditionally.
Often overlooked are ways that disappointment in life (job, career, and parenting) can embitter men and fuel anger. Even Christian men struggle to be thankful for what life is rather than bitter about what it isn’t.
It surprising how much anger is rooted in fear. Men respond to fear with anger because fear makes them ashamed. Men need safe places to confront fear and know they are not alone.
The third step is to apply God’s grace and transformative power to each hidden source of anger. This is much more than a trip to the altar or prayer line. It is accountability to one another within a loving community empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is men committed to each other in the nitty-gritty for the long haul. This is much more than “how ya doin?” on Sunday morning.
This is only a brief sketch of what the work looks like, but perhaps enough to suggest it can be done. Removing explosive anger from our churches and families is hard and dangerous work, but saves lives and releases men into freedom and fruitfulness. In Laos the big bombs created deep craters in the rice paddies. The resilient and resourceful Laotians turned the craters into fish ponds. Men should fish, not explode.
